The Council 'O Evil

-and-

The THEY corporation

First, and probably the most disturbing, is the Council 'O Evil (no, that's no a spelling error). It is comprised of the most evil of all mankind, and is devoted to causing pain and misery whenever possible. Though this is by no means a definitive or complete list, the following are known to be or suspected of being connected to the Council 'O Evil:

Needless to say, the Council 'O Evil wields vast political power across the globe. Such devastating acts of violence as the Chicago fire of the mid-nineteenth century, the Salem witch hunts of colonial America, and the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius at Pompeii were all orchestrated by the Council 'O Evil. It is even rumored that the Challenger explosion, the eruption of Mt. St. Helens, and the L.A. riots have all been the work of this evil group. I also have reason to believe they are behind UPN and the WB.

Their goals are simple enough-plunge the Earth into a dark era not unlike the Holocaust of World War II, only less pleasant. To accomplish their task, they have lied, cheated, stolen, vandalized, jaywalked and basically made a nuisance of themselves. Where it will stop is anyone's guess. Fortunately, they have competition in the form of an evil corporation.

Has anyone ever told you, "they say blah blah blah etc. etc.?" Ever wonder who "they" is? I have unearthed some disturbing evidence that proves that "they" is in fact the THEY corporation. The name is most likely an acronym though I am not certain what it stands for. It is an evil company entirely devoted to ruling the world.

As far as I can tell, the THEY corporation is nearly as ubiquitous as the Council 'O Evil. Their goals are less maniacal, however, as they do not wish to subjugate humanity and/or the universe. Their immediate goal is the conquest of Earth. To this end they have placed hidden agents everywhere, even within the infrastructure of the Council 'O Evil itself. No one can be certain who their agents are, but generally, anyone who tells you what "they say" is most likely an agent and should be regarded with the utmost of suspicion. This faceless empire is spreading like wildfire across the face of the planet, and is beginning to clash directly with the Council 'O Evil. Though the Council still has the upper hand, the tide in this secret war could change in an instant. My advice to you is to move to someplace where nobody wants to live, like Antarctica. Only then will you be free of the influence of these two evil juggernauts.

Now that you've been briefed…

Or, if you've had enough of this so-called humor…